Draco was lounged on the leather couch in his sitting room reading a book when his mother entered the room. Draco frowned. Not that she wasn't welcome in his rooms, but she never even came into this wing of the house unless she had a specific agenda. Draco snapped his book closed and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Tone, dear," she said absentmindedly. Narcissa was holding a book of her own with a newspaper clipping marking a spot in between two pages. "I was wondering... did you say you had stayed in Brazil at one point in your travels?"

"For a day or so... why?" Draco was frowning. He'd thought they weren't going to talk about this.

Narcissa tried to hide her grin. "Did you happen to copulate while you were there?"

"What?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh for Merlin's sake, Draco. Did you have sex with a male or female while you there?"

"Mother!"

"Just answer the damned question, darling."

"Not a Brazilian one. Sophie and I were there for some festival they were having that the crazy bint read about and wanted to go to. Why?"

Narcissa shrugged. "Hmm, no reason." She turned to go.

"You did NOT just come in here to ask me if I had sex in Brazil for no reason, Mother."

"Oh alright," she snapped, turning back around. "I'm worried. I've been reading, and I couldn't find any mention of it, but you could have gotten some strange wizarding disease!"

He didn't know what made him want to laugh more, her having once read something that talked about strange wizard diseases and put the idea in her head or the idea of a strange wizard disease itself.

"Sophie is from France, Mother. She isn't Brazilian. She was also quite tidy, abnormally so. I doubt she had any bizarre diseases. I think I might have noticed in the two years I was hanging about her."

Narcissa glared. "It's not a normal disease, Draco. Did you think I would randomly ask you about sex and then talk about a common cold? I'm talking about a sexual disease. One that is rumored to be spreading like wildfire in South America. Now, I know how your father irritated you about all his talks on having an heir, but as your mother, I'd like to have grandchildren some day." She crossed her arms. "And that can't really happen if your penis falls off because you couldn't keep it in your pants!"

He jolted when she'd screeched the word penis. There are certain words one never wanted to hear their mother shriek. Penis had to be at the top of that list for him. She'd also mentioned the grandchildren again. That was really starting to frighten him, but now so was the possibility of his prick falling off.

"Would it make you feel better if I said I'd go to St. Mungo's tomorrow and get my penis checked out? Then I can go out and find some witch, maybe a medi-witch there will be looking to get herself up the duff by a former Death Eater, and get right in that grandbaby thing for you." Now he was just being tacky, but he didn't want any weird wizard VD making his penis get all detached. He liked his penis where it was, thank you very much.

Narcissa hit him in the back of the head with her book. "Now you're being stupid."

She walked to the other side of the room where a few pictures were on the mantle. "Is it so much that I want my only son to find someone special in his life and be able to know the feeling I feel when I look down on you and see how far you've come? All the other witches my age have grandbabies."

Then she came across a picture of a much younger Draco with a much younger Blaise in a very interesting position. She turned around and arched her eyebrow.

"Calanthe doesn't have any grandbabies, Mother. That we know of." Draco grinned. "Besides, I'd sort of like to be able to offer a woman something before I go spawning with her. I want to have substance, and I also want to not wake up on fire. At least not literally."

"If I don't have grandchildren soon, you shall." Narcissa sniffed and started walking out the door. "I'm positive Calanthe doesn't want any grandchildren. Merlin knows what she would do if Blaise told her he was in a relationship, let alone going to be a father." She smirked. "I don't know what I would do."

She walked to the door and turned around. "Please do go get checked, Draco. Your health is the most important thing to me right now."

Draco was scowling, wondering how he was supposed to have grandchildren of his own without having kids first.

"I said I would go tomorrow, and I shall. Try not to worry, Mother. If there's anything we know for certain I am good at, it's saving my own hide," he said with some bitterness.

He really needed to get his life together in some sort of manageable order. His mother wanted grandchildren, and Draco did like for his mother to have what she wanted. Even though this one scared the shite out of him. However, he had to get himself straightened out first. Then he'd start looking for some appropriate witch, he supposed.

Bloody hell.

She smiled at him and left his room, her smile turning into a positively devious smirk.


{SUMMARY} Narcissa loves Draco... loves to TORTURE him, that is.